ramblingthoughts

The past couple of months has been pretty bad for me. I suffer from Depression, social anxiety disorder, and Bi polar and I have been having a terrible time mentally. I have to confess that I abruptly stopped taking my Seroquel for a few weeks because I was tired of how it was making me feel tired all the time. So I just quit taking it and that was really stupid of me.

I found out why you should never, ever suddenly stop taking your medication without first talking to your doctor. After I stopped taking it the first couple of days I was ok and wasn’t feeling as tired as I was when taking it. After about a week and a half, I was miserable. Suicidal thoughts, thoughts of worthlessness, and just hating life was what this caused. Do not ever stop taking your medications suddenly without first speaking to your doctor. Even if you hate the meds, what happens after you suddenly stop taking them is much worse. I was actually thinking of ways to kill myself but thankfully I was too afraid to actually go through with it. I would lay there at night when I was trying to sleep and think maybe if I take about 5 of my husbands Xanax, maybe I will just go in my sleep. The thought of dying in my sleep wasn’t so bad but then I thought about what it would do to my family and friends and I couldn’t do that to them. My mom already lost one child and I couldn’t make her go through that again. That was what stopped me from actually killing myself.

So I thought about how I was feeling and thought about what to do. I couldn’t get in to see my doctor again until March so I had to think of something to stop these feeling and thoughts before I did something to myself that I couldn’t take back. I decided to start taking my pills again but to cut the dosage in half so I wouldn’t sleep so much and maybe they would make me feel ok until I go to see my doctor. It is working! I am taking a half of a Seroquel at night instead of a whole one and it helps me sleep without making me groggy the next day and the thoughts of suicide and worthlessness have stopped. I see my doctor March 3rd and I am going to ask her to put me on something else because I want off of the Seroquel for good. I don’t like them!

So if you are on meds for a mental illness and want to stop taking them, DON’T! If you have to, cut the dosage in half until you can get a hold of your doctor. Believe me, the feelings without the meds are much worse than the side effects.

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