ramblingthoughts

I was supposed to write an article for Associated Content on my biggest New Years Resolution and five ways to keep it but I was busy and had to let it go back into the system. So instead I will post it here but I’m not sure I can come up with five ways to keep it. I will do my best though. I will also talk about a couple of other resolutions that are important to me and I want to accomplish this coming year. Here goes:

My biggest New Years Resolution of all is to get out of debt. I am in major debt up to my eyeballs as I am sure a lot of people are. I owe so many creditors and I want to get out of debt really bad. I will do it and here is how I plan to accomplish that. I will try to list five ways for me to do it but I am not sure I can.

1. I will make a list on an online calendar of what the debts are, how much I owe, and how much I can pay weekly or monthly. I will set the calendar to remind me everyday.

2. I will write as many articles and essays that pay high wages to accomplish getting out of debt as fast as I can. The sites I write for are Associated Content, Demand Studios, Ehow.com, Today.com, Mylot, and there are other higher paying markets I am going to submit and query to. It will happen because I will make it happen!

3. I will post a note on the refrigerator, computer, and anywhere else I can to remind me of this resolution. No let’s call that a goal because goal is a better word and it seems easier to accomplish goals instead of resolutions.

4. I will update my progress on this blog to show my accomplishments and to keep me motivated.

5. I will have my family and friends encourage me to keep this goal.

Ok so I made it to five but the first few are the most important ways to keep my debt free goal. I will get out of debt this year and stay out of debt. By the year 2010 I will have no debt whatsoever and will make sure I never get in the financial mess I am in now.

So my next biggest “goal” is to lose weight. I have gained about 50 pounds in the last year because of the medication I am on. I have no energy and want to sleep and eat all the time because of this medication. However, I cannot stop taking this medication because I am Bi polar and it is important in helping keep my mood swings in check and I can’t sleep without it anyway.

Here is how I plan to lose this extra weight and keep it off:

1. I will start going to the gym with my mother at least 4 times a week. If I can’t do it 4 times a week then I will go no less than 3 times a week.

2. I am going to start taking a diet pill that will help improve my metabolism and increase my energy. Loss of energy is my biggest problem right now.

3. I will drink more water, eat more fresh fruits and veggies, and do exercises at home when I can’t get to the gym.

4. I will cut way down on junk food and high fat, high carb foods.

5. I will join a weight loss support group online to help keep me motivated.

Another very important “goal” I wish to accomplish in 2009 is to get my writing in print and get my short fiction published in a real book. Also, I would love to write a novel someday! Here is how I plan to do that:

1. Keep visiting my favorite forum to keep me motivated, and let my friends encourage me.

2. Submit and/or query to at least one print magazine or fiction place every day.

3. Keep track of the places I submit to, what wasn’t bought, and where else to submit to.

4. Write my short stories, a little bit everyday and keep doing it everyday. One problem I have is getting motivated or inspired to write fiction. Fiction is my favorite thing to write so I need to write everyday.

5. Check for places to submit my fiction and print articles everyday. You never know when you will find something that calls to you. I have found quite a few but I need the motivation and inspiration to do so.

Well, there you have it. My three biggest goals for 2009! I will do my absolute best to accomplish all of them.

What are your New Year goals for 2009? How do you plan to keep them? Happy New Year!

Ok Christmas is over and I have to say I am glad it is. I love Christmas but I get tired of the pressure of the shopping, especially when I don’t have the money for it. I honestly think Christmas has changed so much over the years to where it is all about buying the best gifts and it seems like people have forgotten what it is truly about. Christmas to me is really about family, having nice family dinners, giving gifts to those you love and not worrying about getting anything in return, and watching Christmas movies with your family and friends. I used to think the presents were the best part but I honestly have to say that being with family and friends, watching old and new Christmas movies, reminiscing about Christmas past, and looking at all of the beautiful Christmas decorations. Christmas is, after all, Jesus Christs’ birthday and we should think about our savior and not about ourselves. We should think about those who we have lost and those who can’t be around for Christmas. We should also think about the less fortunate and helping those in need.

When Christmas comes around, I think a lot about my family that I have lost over the years. I often think about the last Christmas I had with my big brother and I know I should remember him with a smile but I miss him so much that it tears me up inside. I want him to be here, alive, with all of us. He was one of the greatest people I knew and I am so happy that I was able to know him even though I was 12 when he died. I often think about what he would be like if he were alive today. I also wonder how good we would get along as adults now. I think he would be my best friend. He would be 38 years old and January 31st will be 16 years since he died. It is hard to believe it has been so long. I miss you Tommy and I love you!

I also think about my aunt, cousin, grandma, and grandpa around this time of year. They too died when I was young. My aunt and cousin were gunned down when I was 13 and my grandpa died of old age at 81 years old. 5 months later my grandma died and even though it was a heart attack I truly believe she died of a broken heart. They both died when I was 14 and I loved them so very much. I was very close to them and miss them every day but I miss them more around Christmas.

My cousin who died was only 17 and she was killed, along with her mother, three days before she turned 18. Her boyfriend killed them both because my cousin tried to break up with him. He was a crack addict and he tried to force my cousin to smoke crack with him and when she didn’t he beat her. When she tried to break up with him, he went to their house and tried to kill the whole family. My aunt’s husband was at work but he got my aunt and her middle child, and shot her oldest daughter in the rear. Her oldest daughter was on the ground laying on top of her baby protecting her and I thank God that the baby didn’t get hurt at all. My other cousin, the youngest, only got hit in the foot with gun powder but the poor 15 year old boy watched his sister being gunned down and killed. The oldest daughter watched her mother gunned down and killed. When they tried to get away My aunt and her oldest ran to one neighbors house while the cousin who was killed and her little brother ran to the other neighbors house. So he didn’t get the whole family but he did get my aunt and her youngest daughter and he also took the mother and sister of my other two cousins.

Anyway, I get depressed around this time of year because I miss them all so much. Yeah, it has been a long time since their death but you really never get over it and you never forget. It does get easier year after year and the pain does subside but it never goes away for me or my family. We were all very close. Ever since my grandparents, brother, aunt, and cousin died, our family has never been the same. We don’t get together like we used to and you might as well say I am the black sheep since most of them talk to my sister but shun me. I don’t care though. If that is the way they want to be then let them. My grandparents, brother, aunt, and cousin are probably rolling in their graves because of the way the family treats me and each other.

So now we go on to New Year’s and resolutions and such. My New Years resolution is to get out of debt and get my short fiction published in a real print book. Maybe I will also start on that novel I have always wanted to write. I will write more about my New Year’s Resolution on another post. Happy New Years Everyone and may 2009 be a hell of a lot better than 2008! God I hope it is, anyway!

Christmas is next week and I got the idea for this post from my friends over at Accentuate Writers Forum. I read Lindsay’s blog post on the same subject and decided to write one myself. Thanks for the idea guys!

Do you have fond memories of Christmas when you were a child? Do they make you feel happy, sad, and all warm and fuzzy inside at the same time? I have some good memories and they make me feel all of those things at once. I miss Christmas when I was a kid.

I remember going to sleep early on Christmas Eve only to have problems falling asleep because I was so excited about Christmas and Santa Clause coming that I would just lay there and thing about what I would do in the morning and how many presents would be under the tree. I would finally fall asleep because what else could I do? I wanted to go downstairs and try to take a peek but I knew mom would get mad if she heard me up.

Then, bright and early at 6am on Christmas morning I would wake up mom and dad, dad was a scrooge and wouldn’t get up until he was good and ready. Mom and me would go downstairs and open our gifts. Then she would make us breakfast while I was happily playing with my new toys. Dad would finally get up about 10am and open his gifts and me and mom would sit there and watch him with big smiles on our faces. Then I would fall asleep until mom had Christmas dinner done and we would all get dressed up in our best clothes and sit at the table to eat. Mom always laid out the pretty dinner plates and glasses. The table looked so pretty and Christmasy!

I wasn’t an only child but I might as well have been one. My big brother was 10 years older than me and my sister was 8 years older than me and they weren’t around much, especially as I got older. They went off on their own at 16 and 18. My sister had a baby at the age of 16 and she moved out to Massachusetts with my aunt and uncle. My brother was staying with friends and often lived with my grandparents because he and my dad didn’t get along. My dad is their stepfather.

I remember the year I found out there was no Santa Clause. I was 8 or 9 years old and we were living in a small trailer. We didn’t have room for a tree so mom would decorate the bar in between the kitchen and the living room and put the presents on top of it. Sometimes she would also put a small table in the living room and decorate it. Mom knew how to make our Christmas great even if we were broke most of the time.

The year I found out there was no Santa Clause, I was about 8 years old, I fell asleep on the couch and mom made the mistake of leaving me there. I remember asking her before I fell asleep how would Santa Clause get in since we didn’t have a chimney. She told me that she would let Santa in when he got here. I let it go and went to sleep. I woke up a few hours later because I heard someone lightly walking through the living room. I thought it was Santa and opened my eyes because I just had to take a peek. I didn’t see Santa but saw my mom instead. I asked her why she was putting the presents out and where Santa was. She was dumbfounded with what to say and took a few minutes to answer me. She said she met Santa at the door and because he was so busy he gave her the presents to put out for us. I knew she was lying but I let her believe I believed her. It wasn’t until I was much older that I confessed and told her I knew there was no Santa Clause that year. I was disappointed that year but we still had a great Christmas!

My last memory of my brother was the month before he died. He died January 31st 1993 when I was 12 years old. He was 22 and got shot and died instantly. Anyway I will always remember the last Christmas we had together. He spent the night that Christmas Eve and when I got up at 6am Christmas Day, I didn’t bother waking mom because I knew she was really wore out from working and trying to make Christmas nice for all of us. Besides, my big brother was downstairs sleeping and I had a special present for him that year and I was more excited to give him his gifts that I was to open my own.

So I went downstairs and he was laying on the couch with his headphones on. I woke him up and told him it was Christmas and he needed to get up and open his gifts. He smiled at me and got up and I handed him the gift I bought him. It was a paint set! My big brother was a very good artist and he loved to draw and paint. My mom still has some of his paintings still and we will always treasure them. Anyway, he opened his gift and the big smile on his face was the best present I ever got. It was priceless. I miss him so much! I know he is now painting in Heaven for God and the Angels!

That was my favorite Christmas memory of all time and I will treasure it as long as I live. My big brother was going to go to art school but he died instead. I still wonder how he would be if he would have lived. I am 28 and he would be 38. I wonder if we would get along as adults like we did back then. I am sure we would be best friends!

What are your Christmas memories? Think about them and how they make you feel. Merry Christmas everyone!